Nothing is More Important to People than Their Names
"Hey Bud, let me introduce you to someone I've just met. That is…um…I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?"
Embarrassing? No, that's too small a word!
Take heart! Unless you're one of a small number of people worldwide suffering from prosopagnosia, a neurological condition rendering a person incapable of recognizing faces in spite of having good eyesight, then the following steps will save you the embarrassment of ever forgetting anyone's name again.
A Personal Story from Bud Haney
Almost everyone struggles with remembering the names of people. I was helped when I learned that if you have empathy for people, you will have an easier time remembering their names. I think I learned this principle by observing Jim Sirbasku in action. Jim used to have a problem remembering names because his "E" was bigger than his "EM." Here's what I mean: When he met people, his focus was on himself, or his ego, which I call the "E." Jim was more focused on "telling" people than he was on "learning" from people. I decided the way to help Jim start remembering names was to remind him to "Use your EM (empathy), not your big E." It was my way of reminding him to pay attention to people's names and what they did, and put his ego aside.
The biggest payoff for learning to remember people's names is the embarrassment you avoid. This chapter is full of ideas to help you improve your memory when it comes to recalling the names of the people you meet.
1. Switch Off the Internal Dialogue
As you're reading this strategy, take a moment to examine what else is flying around in your mind. It's no different in social or business situations where you're meeting people for the first time. Instead of focusing solely on the person you're meeting, your mind is filled with snatches of other concerns flying through it: "…mmm, the food looks good…when she's finished speaking, I'm going to say…" With all of that internal dialogue, it should come as no surprise that you find yourself embarrassed to have "forgotten" someone's name. In reality, you just didn't bother to try to remember it in the first place. Become conscious of your internal dialogue and make a conscious effort to focus your attention exclusively on the external dialogue. Every time you find yourself drifting inward, step out. Stay external – prepare to remember.
2. Listen
Hey, come back! Just because I'm repeating Rule #1 of good communication, a rule you've had hurled at you time after time, don't ignore this key element. Good listeners rarely forget names. Learn to listen actively by applying the next few steps which focus your active listening engine. Then when a person's name is introduced into the conversation, be sure to hear it!
3. Bury the New Name in Your Memory
First, repeat it in a sentence. Plain and simple everyday courtesy phrases like, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Marie" will do it. This has two effects: it puts the name immediately into your short-term memory and it makes the new person feel good – most people love the sound of their own name. If it's an unusual name, ask her to spell it: "Is that N-I-L-G-U-N?" This implants it even deeper in your memory and builds further rapport. Finally, think about the name itself. Does it sound like anything else? Is there any way you can make a memorable association? Names like Wood, Holly, Marsh, Guinness, or Green are made for memorable association. If there's no obvious association, then consider what their names sound like: McCann (My Can), Harrison (Hairy Son), Kendall (Candle). The process of trying to make these connections helps to bury names further in your memory.
4. Make Eye Contact
When meeting someone, look at him. Make eye contact and smile. Imagine the name of your new acquaintance is written in big luminous letters across her forehead. Then observe: What makes her face interesting and different? Has she a parting in her hair or a gap in her teeth? Eyebrows that meet? A long nose? You don't have to stare them out to do this effectively. All of this can be picked up in a few quick glances, if you're prepared to make the effort.
5. Bring it All Together
Finish the job of remembering them forever. You've got the name, you've got some memorable association, and you've got some distinguishing physical features. Now, construct a mental picture for this person. Connect his or her unique physical features with the name's association to create a picture that will pop into your mind next time you meet. The sillier the picture, the better.
This is an absolutely infallible system. Apply it and you'll never forget someone again. With a little practice, this process becomes so automatic and instantaneous that you will find a mental picture pops into your head right away for every new person you meet, ensuring that every new face and name is filed away in your mental organiser. Forever.
